As much as communication almost always signifies a transfer of information from one party to the other, communication isn’t always via spoken words.
Sometimes communication is non-verbal. The lack of spoken words doesn’t mean that information is not passed or one party cannot understand the other. As a matter of fact, you’ll find that the closer the relationship the greater the use of non-verbal communication. Think about persons with special needs who may not be able to speak. They use non-verbal communication, proving that communication can be achieved by various means other than words.
The use of facial expressions, gestures, body movements, and tone of voice are other tools employed in communication. According to Albert Mehrabian’s 7-38-55 rule, the meaning is communicated through three main avenues as follows: 7% spoken word, 38% tone of voice, and 55% body language. Your expressions and tone both have a greater impact than what you eventually say. What are you saying, but not saying?


  1. Tone of voice: There are countries in the world where you could say the exact same thing five different times and it would mean five entirely separate things! What do you think makes the difference? You guessed right: the tone of voice. Your vocal tone is how you sound when you say something. You could be saying one thing while the tone of your voice alludes to something else entirely; many times, that thing you’re alluding to is what you really mean. Tone of voice is usually a reflection of how you’re feeling when you say anything, and that speaks more than the words you verbalize.
  2. Use of words: This is also referred to as verbal communication. As the name suggests, it is when you communicate with the use of words. You must learn to communicate in simple, clear terms when dealing with anyone, especially your partner. It is bad enough that your words only account for 7% of your communication. What is worse is if your partner cannot understand what you are saying because you sound ambiguous.
  3. Non-verbal expressions: Sometimes, it’s not about speaking at all. Think about it. If you’ll be spending almost all day, every day with someone, you can’t possibly be talking the whole time. You have to start paying attention to small gestures. Expressions make up most of the communication between two intimate people so intimacy is not necessarily achieved verbally. We must learn to understand our partners well enough to know what they are saying when they are not verbalizing anything.


If you are to master the art of communicating effectively, you must learn to master your temperament. Knowing and mastering your temperament helps you understand your strengths and weaknesses. You can then channel these traits to your own advantage.

Temperaments are a person’s natural way of thinking and behaving. It is the combination of inborn traits or inherited genes that subconsciously affect a person’s behaviour. It is the barometer that measures the things happening within us. It is who we are before people have the opportunity of hearing us or relating with us.

That said, it would be ridiculous to imagine that two people who grew up in different circumstances and environments would have similar characteristics or dispositions to life. Yes, it is possible but rare. Therefore, if you will live peacefully with someone whom you love who naturally behaves differently than you do, you have to first understand yourself. Then, you can better see how to apply your own disposition to adequately communicate and cohabit with your partner.

Maturity in marriage demands that one must be ready to change and peacefully cope with the differences in one’s partner—be they physical, mental, psychological, financial, emotional, or spiritual.


  1. What are your strengths and weaknesses in communication? Itemize and discuss them with your partner.
  2. Discuss and document how you will channel each of your strengths to the benefit of your relationship.
  3. Discuss and document how you both will work on each of your communication weaknesses.

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