THE PURPOSE OF COURTSHIP
“Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their labor.”
– (Ecclesiastes 4:9 NIV)
At the core of every relationship in its courtship stage are three basic purposes:
- To weigh your decision to marry each other
- To know each other better
- To prepare for marriage
Courtship is a period that affords intended couples the opportunity to demonstrate love as they add value to one another in committed relationships.
Courtship, being an agreement, also requires the presence and participation of two individuals:
- An unmarried man
- An unmarried woman
Now that we’ve put together the ingredients required to make this dish called courtship, let’s look at a few things to pay attention to when transitioning from courtship to marriage:
- Get your priorities right: Courtship is not for self-gratification. Focus on getting to know your partner’s person—his or her nature and character—and not your partner’s body. Don’t misplace your priorities or become preoccupied with thoughts of premarital sex. You must build your relationship on the expression of genuine love and not just physical attraction.
- Prioritize adding value to one another: Nurturing your relationship will involve striving for mutual love and understanding, both during courtship and after getting married. You must seek to understand your partner, as this will ensure the stability of your marriage.
- Take your time: Don’t be in a rush. The longer your courtship, the better. But it should not be too long (unless either party is attending school or has travelled long-term). You need to be upfront with your partner at all times. Avoid circumstances that appear deceptive. You must declare your worth and let your partner feel a sense of commitment to the relationship. That’s what courtship is for.
- Avoid sex: Courtship is not for sex, neither is sex a substitute for the expression of love. Engaging in sex before marriage erodes trust; it breeds suspicion of infidelity. Saving sex for marriage is a reward that cannot be overstated.
- Seek counsel: You must be sure about your courtship. Seeking counsel allows you the advantage of getting information and wise advice from individuals more experienced than you. These people are not emotionally invested, which means chances of them making a selfish decision would be slim—unlike you who might be head over heels in love. The credibility, quality, and expertise of the counsel you seek matters, but overall, seeking counsel is always a great idea.
- Would you say that you are enjoying your time in this relationship? Yes or no? Write down a detailed explanation for your answer.
- Would you say you and your partner are putting your best into practical preparation for marriage? Yes or no? Document your answer in detail.